PROSECUTION: "May it please the court.

"Your honor, the 2005 Chrysler Crossfire Roadster is a textbook case defining public nuisance. Its very presence on the road endangers all who share the road with it. It is - simply put - too attractive."

DEFENSE:"Objection! Since when was attractiveness or ugliness a concern of the court? We might as well find Miss Universe quilty, or Whoopee Goldberg on the flip side. Public nuisance, indeed."

JUDGE BOB: "At this time, the court will allow the prosecutor to continue. But let's get to the point of how the Chrysler Crossfire Roadster's appearance becomes a public concern."

Exhibit A

PROSECUTION: "The prosecution indeeds to do exactly that, your honor. If I may continue ... I'd like to introduce some photographs as exhibits, the first photograph taken of said Chrysler Crossfire Roadster at a local airport. Unfortunately, what the court cannot see in this photograph is the crowd that gathered to gawk at the sleek, magnetic Crossfire.

"This happened time after time in a week spent in this defendant vehicle. At a local restaurant, people actually stood in the driveway to look over the Crossfire. They were blocking traffic, your honor. The car was making a public nuisance of itself."

DEFENSE: "Your honor, if ever there were a trumped-up charge this is such a case. The defendant here, the Crossfire Roadster, is supposed to be attractive. It's a sports car, your honor, the kind of car chosen by good folks who want to have fun with their transportation, the kind of folks who like to be seen behind the wheel, the kind of folks who enjoy conversations with strangers about their car."

Exhibit B

PROSECUTION: "And that's all good and well, your honor, until those folks make a nuisance of themselves by driving a car like the defendant Chrysler Crossfire Roadster. At that point, their desire to stand out ends and the public's right to have peace and tranquility on the roads begins."

JUDGE BOB: "Could we address some specifics that makes this defendant different from the plethora of other attractive sports cars?"

PROSECUTION: "We certainly can, your honor. The Chrysler Crossfire first appeared last year as an attractive coupe. That was the same year we got a Nissan 350Z coupe to compete with the Audi TT coupe, etc. All were pretty good looking, the prosecution grants, but none ripped heads around.

Exhibit C

"The Crossfire was and is based on the platform used for the Mercedes-Benz SLK series. Now, the SLK has proven a reasonably attractive retractable hardtop roadster and has its admirers. But it is subdued in its attractive appearance. It does not draw crowds. It gets nods of approval and comments such as 'Nice car'. Society can live with that. Society could even live with the Crossfire coupe that the SLK inspired.

"See, this goes back to the shotgun wedding of Mercedes-Benz and Chrysler. The helpless Chrysler found itself overpowered by the German giant and was soon forced to do its bidding. It's not a pretty story, your honor, but the fact is that the Germans soon took control of the American company, a company I should note that makes the Jeeps used in World War II, if you see the irony.

"So from this union, consummated for what amounts to three chickens and a toothless camel, has come the bastard called the Crossfire."

DEFENSE: "Excuse me. Did he say 'bastard'?"

PROSECUTION: "I did."

DEFENSE: "Can he say that on the Web, your honor?"

JUDGE BOB: "Let's keep it clean, Mr. Prosecutor."

Exhibit D

PROSECUTION: "Yes, sir. No disrespect for the bench meant. Anyhow, the designers took the SLK, soon to have its own striking new look, and created this sleek two-seater. Under the hood, they placed a 3.2-liter V6 engine producing 215 horsepower and 229 foot-pounds of torque. Not overly racy, your honor. More suitable for cruising than road racing. Note that the defendant is not charged with any moving violation. But note how even the engine has an appearance designed, the prosecution contends, not with practicality as the consideraton, but with attractiveness the major concern. When owners pop the hood, people gather and gawk."

DEFENSE: "Objection. That's hardly a chargeable offense."

JUDGE BOB: "Please continue."

PROSECUTION: "DaimlerChrysler - note the name change, your honor - gave the Chrysler Crossfire Roadster other styling touches that are impractical in the real world, but are designed solely to turn heads, to make this car stand out from the pack. Consider for a moment, the rear of this car."

DEFENSE: "And a very nice rear it is!"

Exhibit E

PROSECUTION: "On the rear deck is a wing that rises at about 62 miles an hour. The supposed purpose of this wing is to provide downward force on the rear of the car, to help stability and control at high speeds. Where, your honor, can anyone legally reach the speeds where this wing might be a help? As it is, the wing rises, catches the overhead sun and kicks it into the rear view mirror where it is reflected into the driver's eyes."

DEFENSE: "There is a button on the dash to disable the wing, your honor. If the prosecutor has a problem at certain times of the day, he can easily keep the wing from rising."

JUDGE BOB: "Is that true?"

PROSECUTOR: "Yes, your honor, but the point is that other motorists are distracted when this attractive car flies by them and a wing begins to rise from the sloping rear deck. That's not a good thing, sir. They aren't keeping their eyes on traffic. The wing is more for show than go. This car is, as charged, a public nuisance."

DEFENSE: "If that's the extent of the complaint, I move to dismiss the charges."

Exhibit F

PROSECUTOR: "I wish it were, your honor, but there's more. Along both sides of the Chrysler Crossfire Roadster are these Ferrari-like rips, these bear-claw scrapes that serve no function. They are simply attention grabbers. And grab they do."

DEFENSE: "Lots of sports cars have these. The Chryster Crossfire Roadster should not be singled out for prosecution on the basis of this."

JUDGE BOB: "Is there more, Mr. Prosecutor?"

Exhibit G

PROSECUTOR: "Yes, your honor. I'd like to direct the court's attention to the interior of the defendant Crossfire Roadster. As you can plainly see, a two-tone motif was used. Why? It is the prosecution's contention that open-topped cars invite more close examination of their interiors and this interior was designed to encourage that. It is part of the reason people gathered around the car wherever it was driven. People seem attracted to that red-and-black design."

DEFENSE: "There is practicality here, your honor. The parts of the seat that a driver or passenger comes in contact with remain cooler than if the seats were entirely black, as they are in so many convertibles. Black is the single worst choice for an interior color in a convertible, don't you agree? It holds heat and can blister bare legs of someone sitting down on it. This is - as charged - attractive but functional as well.

Exhibit H

"May I address some more interior details. The 2005 Chrysler Crossfire Roadster has safety of its occupants as a prime concern, something often overlooked in sports car. Note the rollbars in prosecution's Exhibit G. Also note that the Crossfire Roadster has dual front air bags and dual side air bags. The automatic transmission has traction control to help keep a driver out of trouble. The rear window on this ragtop is glass and includes a defroster. Anti-lock brakes are standard. There's an electronic stability system to aid handling. All of these things, your honor, add up to the conclusion that the Chrysler Crossfire Roadster isn't just another pretty face. It's a fine car."

JUDGE BOB: "Just curious .. how much does a 2005 Chrysler Crossfire Roadster cost?"

DEFENSE: "This has a base price of $38,045 and the defendant on trial ended up costing $39,995."

JUDGE BOB: "Is exhaust noise a problem?"

DEFENSE: "Sweet, sir."

JUDGE BOB: "Stereo system?"

DEFENSE: "240 watts. It cranks."

PROSECUTION: "Hold on, here. Let me tell you one more thing about this 'sweet' interior. This has as much wind turbulence hitting the driver as any vehicle ever brought before this court. Only the Cadillac Allante buffeted a driver as badly, and, as we all know that one was buried long ago. This has wind so serious that the only way the prosecutor could test it on a highway was to wear ear plugs. Otherwise, I would be risking an earache following an hour's drive."

JUDGE BOB: "Is that true?"

DEFENSE: "Unfortunately, yes. It has to do with the lowering of the windshield to create the open top, plus the inward slope of the glass. It's pretty turbulent in there. But no more so than a biplane!"

PROSECUTION: "Well, bring your leather cap and goggles then, 'cause you're going to need them. The entire car is a nuisance, from its exterior design to its tornado-like interior turbulence. It's guilty as charged."

DEFENSE: "If being pretty is a crime, if tossled hair is a crime, if enjoying acceleration is a crime, if seeing the sky pass overhead and trees blur by on each side is a crime, if smelling evening barbecue is a crime, if initiating conversation is a crime, then the 2005 Chrysler Crossfire is indeed guilty. But none of these joys is a crime and the Crossfire is pure joy on four wheels."

THE VERDICT: The real Judge Bob (Windows Media format) or Animated Judge Bob (Flash format)