Cars are rated one (forget it) to four ('bout as good as it gets) James Deans

 Specifications

• Style: enormous sports utility
• Engine: 5.6-liter V8
• Transmission: five-speed automatic
• Drivetrain: 4x4
• Horsepower: 305hp @ 4,900 rpm
• Torque: 385 ft-lbs. @ 3,600 rpm
• EPA mileage: 13 city/18 highway
• Weight: 5,614 lb.
• Base price: $40,600
• Price as tested: $42,850

The staff at Edison Park Elementary School probably blushed at the story told by 1951 Indianapolis 500 winner Lee Wallard. It's about the only thing I remember from that time so long ago. But I remember the story well. It was supposed to illustrate consideration for our fellow men. Wallard was the featured speaker in the school auditorium during a weekly assembly of first through sixth grades.

From the wooden stage at the front of the old auditorium, framed by purple curtains that were closed this day, Wallard told us how he was driving in New England at night when a car with its bright lights on pulled up behind him. He slowed, but the car stayed behind him. He tried waving off the bright lights, but the lights continued to irritate him inside his car. So, he told this rapt sixth grader and the entire school, he drove on until he came to a one-lane covered bridge. A dark, one-lane covered bridge in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night.

Inside that bridge, he rolled to a stop.

From under his seat, he pulled out a hammer. He opened his car door, walked back to the car behind him and systematically smashed out both headlights. He got back in his car and drove off, leaving the offender in pitch blackness.

We found the story delightful, of course, and clapped our approval.

Today, Wallard would surely have politically correct police crawling all over him. At the very least.

I tell you this because should you happen to find yourself in the unfortunate position of being in front of a 2004 Nissan Armada at night, you will feel the same urge Lee Wallard felt.

What this humongous sport utility does is so inconsiderate that I felt terrible being responsible. I would never knowlingly inflict the suffering on my fellow man that something like this does.

I noticed the problem the first night I took the Armada out. During the day, the thing is simply big. That's okay for some folks and anyone who doesn't care about getting maybe 13 miles to a gallon of gas if they're ever-so-careful with their right foot. I have no need for such bigness and it always interferes with the pleasure driving should afford.

But when I flipped on the headlights as darkness fell, I instantly saw the problem. The headlight beams are positioned so high that they flood the interior of anything in front of an Armada with blinding light. I watched drivers throw up their hands -- all of them, not just a few -- as the light bounced off their interior rear view mirrors into their eyes. I backed off. Didn't help. The Armada throws its blinding light a full city block. Even 10 or 20 car lengths behind a vehicle, the Armada will still blind those inside that vehicle.

It spotlights them like actors on a Broadway stage.

And we're talking low beams. I flipped on high beams and could have lit the mile-run at the Bonneville Salt Flats. This much candlepower wasn't used at Super Bowl XXXVMIXVIIII.

The second day I had the Armada, I got out and stood in front of the headlights. They were positioned well above my waist. Stand in front of your car's headlights and note where they fall. It won't be above your waist.

The 2004 Nissan Armada is screaming proof that we need a law regulating headlight height. And we cannot exclude any sport utility or standard truck from the law. They, after all, are the offenders. All headlights, on all vehicles, private and commercial, should be at or below a regulated height. Only then can offensive behavior such as the Armada exhibits be banned.

I concluded in a week driving the Armada that the headlights actually increased the danger for everyone around this vehicle. The drivers in front were blinded and distracted. They took their eyes off the road, ducked and weaved to try to avoid the blinding light, took hands off the steering wheel to block the light. I could see their vehicles move a bit as they did so. That's dangerous.

Anyone who drives a car knows what it's like to be blinded by tall headlights on a large vehicle. It would be a sorry soul who took joy in driving the offending vehicle and inflicting misery on those around them.

And for those who buy one of these, I hope someone like the late Lee Wallard isn't driving the car ahead of you.

Well, so Bob, how did you like it otherwise?

Not very. It's got flaws that go beyond lousy headlight design.

Let's stay up front near those headlights to begin. In a fashion all-too-familiar for sport utilities, the front end design tries to be "macho" and ends up as the most un-pedestrian friendly design imaginable. What this means is that the design of a front end can kill or save a pedestrian struck by a particular vehicle. In the best scenario, a front end design lifts a struck pedestrian up and onto the hood of the vehicle. It looks and functions like a scoop. Think cattlecatcher on old trains.

Worst case? The pedestrian is knocked under the vehicle or pinned against the grille.

Both seem possible with the design of the Nissan Armada.

The pieces come together in a kind of sled design. The lower part of the sled might tend to slam a child under the Armada. An adult probably would not go under the Armada, but might be pinned by the grille work. All those cutouts become cookie cutters when people are struck. Smooth is best; more holes equal greater danger.

I got down and slid under the front of the Armada to see if Nissan had lowered the frame. Couldn't see that that was the case. So the result could be yet another huge sport utility that will ride up and over a car it strikes in a head-on collision. It doesn't have to be this way. Ford has created lower framework to prevent its sport utes from riding over cars. Every automaker should do the same. My bet is this Nissan would end up on the hood or into the windshield of a car struck head-on.

See, in a head-on collision, frame members must meet frame members. If they are at equal height, that will be the case, and each frame can buckle as it's supposed to. But if one is higher, it will ride up and over the other. Neither buckles and the heavier, higher vehicle rides onto and sometimes into the smaller one, with sometimes deadly consequences.

Let's look inside. Start with the steering wheel. Now, the Armada is no performer and doesn't pretend to be, so why did Nissan decide to put a "sporty" three-spoke steering wheel on this big sport ute. What the three-spoke design means is that a driver cannot comfortably rest the right hand at the base of the steering wheel. That is easily done with four-spoke wheels. A hand can steer and rest there while the left elbow rests on the window sill.

Not with the three-spoke wheel. The right hand must rest left or right of the spoke, and that tends to pull the sport ute right or left. With something this size, any drift from center is dangerous. Why would Nissan even consider a three-spoke wheel for its minivan and sport ute? Silliness. Think practical, Nissan.

The power window switches are located high on the window sill, not on the armrest. They do not fall readily at hand.

There are controls on the steering wheel for both the audio and cruise control systems, but none are lighted at night, so a driver is left to fumble around. Inexcusable today. And I never adjusted to the low location of the door handle. It's big and fat, like the steering wheel and the front door outside handles. The rear door handles, however, are built into the door at window level. Not a better idea at all. They're awkward to use and are of a terrible design if leverage is needed to force open the door after an accident. It would have been better to duplicate the front door handles on the rear doors. You can't get any leverage with these vertical nail-breakers.

I don't mean to be totally negative about the Armada. Technically, by the way, it's the Pathfinder Armada and we tested the top-of-the-line LE 4X4. We could have saved $1,600 on our sticker price by striking a not-very-useful sunroof.

Still, for $40,000, you get a lot of standard equipment and top safety features. A head curtain protects all three rows of seats, for instance, and side air bags are standard for the front row. The Armada has sophisticated traction control and anti-lock braking. Ultrasonic detectors along the rear bumper assist parking -- and they're needed, since visibility is limited to the rear, especially if you're parking in front of the Miata you blinded last night.

At speed, the Armada is just plain noisy. Engine, wind and tire noise intrude and the tester had a variety of strange squeaks and noises that could never be pinpointed.

In keeping with its rugged character, controls for climate are big round knobs, useable even with gloved hands. There are 10 speakers in the Armada to distribute quality sound from a Bose system. There are 10 cupholders also, as well as four 12V outlets and six tie-down holders in the cargo bay.

The seats are particularly versatile, in that all but the driver's seat can fold flat. Those seats are leather, of course, and the front two are heated. The pedals adjust.

The ride is controlled, with none of the truckiness of older sport utes. Entry and exit would not be described as easy, however. It's a climb to get into the driver's seat and rear seat passengers don't have it any better. This thing has a 10.7-inch ground clearance! Grandpa will need a crane to lift him in.

When all is said and done here, it's not just the Armada that has some of these problems. It's all vehicles like the Armada: big, thirsty, over-powered behemoths often carrying a mom and two kids. Why? Well, yes, this can tow 9,100 pounds. If you own something weighing 9,100 pounds besides your house, then you might have a reason to buy a vehicle like this.

If not, do the world a favor and get something smaller and more practical.

'nuff said.

Home, James